Just the idea of examining anything over the course of 30 days brings up judgement, some standard by which to view things or compare myself to. Today I found myself judging my observations based on the past. This whole 30 day challenge starts to have a trend. Starts to have to be something. What did I learn yesterday? Is it the same as today? Who’s reading these? How deep is my inquiry going? Is this as good as it was? Are things changing?
This post isn’t perfect, my inquiries are not perfect. They just are. Things are changing, but if I’m too busy looking at how to compare myself to the past there’s no way to notice or grow.
It’s the nature of the mind to try to get to the end so you can say you “understand”. Like those tests out there. Myers Briggs. How quickly can you box yourself in. How can you make as many assumptions about something as possible so you can say you get it and fit it into a category.
Perfection is just making things look the way we want it to.So what if things get to stay messy? What if there are answers to your questions that weren’t in your brain’s multiple choice answer list? What if there were no answers? What if everything leads to a bigger question? What if you got to wake up and be completely contradictory to any day prior simply because you didn’t wake up and say “I’m my perfect idea of me, I’m the world’s perfect idea of me”. Instead you just said I am, I am.